Improve your Emotional Intelligence with Nonviolent Communication
Some of you may have discovered a pattern in the last four articles of the past week. They all refer to the four steps of Nonviolent Communication (NVC):
Observations
Feelings
Needs
Requests.
What is NVC?
I do not mean to provide you with a definition. I will leave this to the experts. Feel free to google or go to https://www.nonviolentcommunication.com/learn-nonviolent-communication/ to know more. I would rather share with you what NVC is for me. It is an extremely easy model on how to communicate with others in an emphatic way that takes, though, a lifetime to master. As soon as this concept was presented to me a few years back, it did not take long for me to start learning and practising. What I did not expect as a new learner were two things:
Having a degree in Linguistics, I am able to communicate in many languages. Still, I could not help myself wondering: why despite communicating in the same language, people often do not understand each other. There must be something that is more than that: beyond languages. And this is what NVC is to me: it is a shared universal language, those of emotions and human needs, which everyone has the potential of being fluent at so that we can all understand each other.
I initially thought it is a language that will help me to communicate better with others. What I was unaware of was what a powerhouse NVC is for communicating with myself and for building self-awareness.
What is Emotional Intelligence (EQ)?
Similar to NVC, I am not going to provide yet another definition to what EQ is. I will let you discover (if you have not yet) many of the latest reports which provide data on why EQ is one of the most important leadership skills and also read any article that references the model of Daniel Goleman or Martyn Newman. Also, although there are some controversial opinions, as a result of what I have read, I can conclude good news: According to research, where IQ tends to be something that is overall innate, EQ is something that we can all learn and become very good at just by practicing. This means that every leader can through practice increase their emotional intelligence if they wanted to. EQ consists of 4 elements: Self-Awareness, Self-Control, Social Awareness and Relationship Management.
Parallels between NVC and EQ
Being aware of your thoughts, judgements vs observations, your feelings and needs (NVC) increases your Self-Awareness (EQ)
Acknowledging your emotions instead of pushing them away and being able to understand your feelings and thoughts by translating them to needs that are met or not met (NVC) increases your Self- Control (EQ)
Being able to understand other people's feelings and needs (NVC) develops your ability to see other people's perspectives and being able to truly empathise with them builds your Social Awareness (EQ)
Being able to articulate a doable request and being open to find different strategies to meet your needs and those of others improves drastically your Relationship Management (EQ)
Let's practice
Think of a conversation that happened today or in the past couple of days and ask yourself the following:
What are my judgements, beliefs, criticism, blame towards me or the other person in this situation?
What do I observe when I am thinking about this situation? What is the data or the things that can be seen?
Bring the thoughts and the observations in your mind. How do you feel about what happened?
Ask yourself what was it that you needed?
What do you think was going on for the other person: what was he/she feeling? What was he/she needing?
With this awareness, is there something concrete that you request from yourself or from the other person?
Enjoy! I wish you a (self-) compassionate day!
Reference: List of feelings and needs:
https://www.nonviolentcommunication.com/learn-nonviolent-communication/feelings/
