How much of an authentic leader are you?
Authentic leadership - a lot has been said, written, talked about it. I remember the first time I heard these two words in combination and thought: what does this even mean? I find it much more relatable if I use other simpler and more commonly used synonyms when it comes to leadership: words like real, genuine.
Being real, genuine, honest, staying true to oneself is easy, right?! Every child expresses freely, shares genuinely what they think, shares at school how things are at home etc. I am sure that at least once in your life, children's authenticity has put a smile on your face. They don't have filters, right? And then, as we grow up under cultural conditioning and other people's opinions , we start caring how we are perceived, we quickly realise that we are better off not saying some things in order to fit in, to belong to a certain group, to avoid rejection…We avoid to say something because it will be painful and we may hurt someone or we will say a “white” lie? In all those examples, we are setting ourselves up for disconnection, we are somewhat not genuine, we end up lying to ourselves…And the more disconnected we are, the less clear we are with ourselves, with what we want and need. And if we do not know what we want and need ourselves, how could we expect that the other person understands what we want or need.. Vicious circle, right?
I am not implying that in order to be a genuine person and an authentic leader, you should forget all your filters though. This is inevitable and has protected you in many situations. At the same time, I came to the realization that the fear of being judged, of being rejected and not being liked made me “a prisoner” as I was giving away my power to meet my need to be accepted, appreciated, recognised. It made me dependent and nervous to some extent as it was not possible to foresee or control if people liked me or not. This felt so volatile and out of my control. And it is. I can only be accountable for my actions, thoughts and feelings, never for someone else's. What I did instead was to be focused on what I can influence and control: unlearn, return to my core self, practice connection to my feelings and needs, remembering who I was before the world got its hands on me.
What I would like to invite you to do today is simply observing moments where you are not genuine, real, honest with yourself or others in your personal or professional life: e.g. avoiding to say something, thinking one thing and behaving in a different way. Once spotted, reflect deeper what is underneath.
Have a genuine day!
PS: Credit to Emily McDowell for the inspiring quote: “Finding yourself” is not really how it works. You aren't a 10-dollar bill in last winter`s coat pocket. You are also not lost. Your true self is right there, buried under cultural conditioning, other people's opinions, and inaccurate conclusions you drew as a kid that became your beliefs about who you are. “Finding yourself” is actually returning to yourself. An unlearning, an excavation, a remembering who you were before the world got its hands on you.
