Constructive feedback != negative feedback
When was the last time you received feedback and it really felt like a gift to you? Did you actually ask for it and/or recognise it? Did it help?
Many people struggle in the workplace with giving or also receiving feedback. I even noticed a lot of beliefs that in some countries, it is more difficult than in others to give feedback and I am partially agreeing that culture and environment also plays a hand. At the same time, I do believe that giving and receiving feedback is a skill that can grow in any climate if nurtured.
There are lots of different models out there that can help you give feedback: DESC, SBI, Radical Candor etc. I personally even use Nonviolent Communication which helps me to give feedback too. Most of the models have a similarity. Feedback starts from sharing a neutral fact, an observation and the feedback giver usually bothers to take the time and share it with the other because they genuinely care. Most of the models encourage the expression of what impact a particular situation had on you as well. If you share your opinion, evaluate the other person based on your perception of what right and wrong is or if you just want that someone “submits” to how you wish certain things to be done”, this may have its place and time but is not to be confused as feedback. If you say, for example: “your presentation was really chaotic and people did not like it”, you are expressing your evaluation. A better, more neutral way to pass this message would be: “I was afraid that slide 5 and 10 of your presentation were visually containing a lot of information and I have noticed that people started trying to read the slide and were not listening to you anymore”. This way the person would know exactly what they might consider improving further.
A lot of times people say that it is difficult to give someone constructive feedback as constructive is commonly associated with something negative, something that other people would like to share with you that you might not like. We almost have this common belief that constructive feedback is negative feedback and there will be some kind of difficulty in either delivering the message and/or receiving the message. Maybe that is why many companies proceed in buying solutions that encourage anonymity: anonymous feedback so that you can protect a person and encourage them to express “safely” their feedback towards their colleague in some kind of tool or invest in Whiteboard tools with Private mode where you can be really “psychologically safe” and express in a retrospective, for example, what does not go well in a team. Sadly these ways are a step backwards in building a culture of feedback in a team or organization and does not contribute in any way to a psychologically safe environment either.
Constructive feedback in my view is something that helps you grow and gives you data, information of what you do well and what you could improve. If someone tells me: “Vanya, you are amazing!” after a presentation of mine, that is great to hear and I am certain that that person enjoyed it. However, I would clarify this as unconstructive feedback as I have no clue as to what to do with it. If that person tells me: “I was really impressed by the way you have structured your presentation with bullet points and the pace you sustained during the delivery of your presentation.“ This is somewhat better as I am aware of what was appreciated, I will acknowledge it as a strength and will make sure I continue doing it.
And one more thing, make it a habit. You do not want to know how you are doing only once in a blue moon or during your 6-month performance review, right? Start today by:
Giving a constructive feedback to someone making sure that you base yourself on an observable fact and what impact this had on you;
Encourage at least one person today to give you feedback.
And of course, the best way to respond to feedback is: Thank YOU! Feedback is a gift, right?! So, you accept it politely and then it is up to you if you would like to do something about it or not.
Enjoy giving and receiving feedback in an open and honest way!
