3 ways to raise your confidence
Did it ever happen to you that someone gave you a lovely compliment and you did not actually believe it? You were not ready to accept it and you thought deep inside you that you did not deserve this because of xyz?
Or maybe worse, someone told you, even if it was not with those exact words that you were not good enough and even though you were really frustrated about it you ended up believing it was true.
In both situations, you end up doubting yourself and trusting less and less your capabilities which is tragic. A lot of people refer to this as impostor syndrome, a concept that I started hearing only a couple of years ago and that I personally resist to use. Syndrome implies to me that I have a particular condition and that there is potentially something wrong with me whereas, I believe that doubting oneself and lacking confidence is a normal state that every person on this planet is experiencing regularly no matter how confident they appear to be.
A couple of years ago, after asking myself the following question over and over again:
“Why despite all my achievements, proud moments and experience, I am constantly doubting myself?
I finally found a recipe that helps me to raise my self-confidence level.
“Confidence is not “They will like me”. Confidence instead is, “I'll be fine if they don't” - Christina Grimmie
Yes, that's right. Like you, I was relying predominantly on external validation. It was important for me that people liked me. The start of this awareness was key and it led me to try and change my dependence from that. Despite the fact that wanting to be liked was perfectly normal as I was deeply caring about my connection with other people, I knew I had to do something that would free me from that need of outside recognition. Below are three methods that I have used that really worked for me and I am confident they will help you too:
A very quick way to boost your confidence is when you need to do something important (e.g. deliver a presentation, have a difficult conversation) is to just take one minute on your own preferably in front of a mirror and repeat: “You got this.” Repeat it a couple of times if needed until you experience something happening in your body (butterflies in the belly or some kind of spikes and excitement in parts of your body).
A quick but repeatable, therefore, more efficient way to uplift your confidence could be a couple of affirmations that you tell yourself every day. You can write two, three phrases that energise you and repeat them in the morning in front of a mirror after you have brushed your teeth. Do that regularly and see what is the effect on your confidence throughout time.
And the one that really made a big change in my life and helped me thame my inner critic and where I experienced the power of being independent of external recognition was to practice self-empathy and self-compassion or simply said, being kinder to myself and not beating myself up too much! That requires a deliberate acknowledgement of my emotions in a particular situation and relating them with what I was needing there and then. This normalises any situation and I am able to connect to the real human need behind it which results in being compassionate with myself.
I won't lie, even now, when a recognition comes from the outside, it is wonderful and it feels good. At the same time, if/when it is lacking, it is OK as I can fully rely on my inner belief that I am good enough!
I wish you a confident day!
