A simple way to unlock your self-awareness
I never judge people, judging people is bad! These were beliefs that I had in the past nurtured by my own “ego” and what I perceived as good or bad…
Have you been through the exact same situation with someone else and your perception of it is totally different from the other person? Why despite the similarity, there are two different versions of the same situation, two representations of the truth?
We create in a split of a second an image and we make a decision: I like this or I don't like this; I like that person or I dislike that person; It is safe for me to stay or I need to flee. The impact of that image is huge in what comes next: how I react to a particular person or a situation, what is my behaviour, what is the outcome, what is my relationship with that person. Although we are able to make that evaluation extremely quickly, our different interpretations are deeply rooted in our beliefs, values, previous experiences, assumptions, needs and in a lot of cases, our choice of reacting remains subconscious to us.
Judging may have a negative connotation, especially when it comes to judging people: evaluating someone based on our own opinions of what good and bad is, depending on our values and beliefs system and the standards we have set for ourselves: he is too slow, she is too fast. He is right, wrong, she is always late, he never supports the team etc. At the same time, judging is normal as it is a human protective reaction to our environment: I compare a situation to a previous one, I had some unpleasant experiences and I don't want to experience them again. My instincts are to protect myself.
Judgements vs neutral observations
What I discovered years ago is that I also judge people. In most cases, I would not be even aware that I am evaluating people looking only through my own spectrum and I realised that I will continue to do so. However, through deliberate practice, I trained myself to notice my judgements buzzing through my head, allowing them to come to the surface and digging deeper to reflect why they are there. This offered me tons of self-awareness. Then, if I chose to share something to the other person, I trained myself to do that in a neutral way, as an observation: providing some piece of evidence if needed, some data, removing any comparative language or absolutes such as: it is not as good as, it is too quick, you are always doing this etc. I would rather say: I noticed that in the past week, you arrived 10 minutes late for our meetings. I notice when I am in conversation with you today that I don't have enough time to process the information.
To sum up, judging is normal and can support your self-awareness and help you become a better leader, if you deliberately develop your consciousness to spot when you do that and if you convert it to neutral observations! Try this today:
Spot situations when you are judging. Become aware how often this is for you.
Once you have established the awareness that you are also judging, let yourself loose in your judgements but silently.
Connect to your values, feelings, needs, your previous experiences and understand what those judgements are trying to tell you.
Take a step back and take a neutral stand: what is the data, the things that you can see as opposed to your interpretation of the situation.
Do this on a regular basis for a while and you will notice improved self-awareness and healthier relationships with other people.
I wish you a day in which you consciously challenge your truth!
